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For the past few months I’ve been thinking about monogamy and its relevance in modern society.
The problem is that people dont believe that monogamy is a form of sexual self-identity, and thus incorrectly self identify.
I personally self-identify as a heterosexual female who wants to be in a relationship with a male who also self-identifies as heterosexual.
No matter how many lesbian, bisexual, pansexual or sapiosexual people approach me to be in relationship, because I self identify as a heterosexual female, the advances of a person who does not self-identify as heretosexual will not change my sexual identity.
There is a social disconnect in the way in which monogamy is understood. In reality, monogamy is a form of sexual identity, and it should be asked upfront in the same way we ask people if they are straight, gay, bisexual etc.
Sexual identity can be viewed as a component of an individual’s identity that reflects their sexual self-concept.
Thus if a person self identifies as monogamous, and if they are in a monogamous relationship, it should not sway their self identify and sexual behaviour when sexual advances are made to them by people who dont identify as monogamous.
In my view, people are self-identifying themselves incorrectly today in that there is dishonesty in how people express their true “sexual identity” and “sexual self concept”.
There would be less complications in romantic relationships and more freedom in people’s sexual identity if people would correctly self-identify as either monogamous or polyamorous etc as they truly are.
I think the reason people are dishonest about their sexual self-concepts is because of a lack of open discussion on the current forms of sexual self identity.
The result is that people live ‘quasi-monogamous’ lifestyles which are a dishonest portrayal of their identity. Perhaps the fear is that if they do not outwardly self identify as monogamous, Society will Judge them as immoral.
The irony is that such people already lead a life in which they are not monogamous.
People who are not true to their sexual self-identity blame biology, and some even go as far as quoting biblical scripture in order to justify living quasi-monogamous lives.
But why not be true to yourself and stop living a life of incorrect sexual identification, and live in your true sexual self concept?
In the final analysis, I do believe that monogamy is as much an option as polyamory and polygamy.
However, before we seek partners we need to understand and be honest about our own sexual identity and self concept so that our lifestyle is a true reflection of what we identify as and truly desire even if it isnt monogamy.
Therefore, upon meeting people other than discussing whether we are heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual or sexually fluid etc, we should also get round to discussing whether we are monogamous, polyamorous or anything else in-between.
Monogamy should never be implied.
Contributor: Nobathembu Mgcina